The "not quite here" - and the "almost gone" - life

I was able to learn about a blog written by a Missionary to an Asian country. The title of the blog is "Stressed-out Missionary". In her blog she writes about the turmoil and ups and downs of culture shock. What I really appreciated was her honesty about anger. I struggle with anger. Often I am angry at myself for not being able to keep up with housework a little better, or not having time to hang out with friends. I am angry to have to stay at home and I am angry to have to leave home to go to work. Most of all I am sometimes angry that things are not easy. I do not want to stand on the path of patience and endurance. I want things for once to be quick and easy... and I am scared of the reality of fundraising. 

Yes it is hitting home. Support raising is a exhausting emotional roller-coster. I am constantly praying to not loose friends over this but that might have already happened. We are starting our family on such a new path! To do that step fully I have to start saying goodby to those parts of my life that have been a wonderful constant companion...like the places I work, the students I teach, the hours I invested to prepare for worship at Creekside, the hours I sang with my good friend Maranatha, leading worship at women's bible studies, or the most recent women's retreat, the hours I spend on the Freeways I 580, or I 880. The moments spend at the small Safeway Store on Bancroft and Dutton....all is coming to an end.

So we are getting to know a whole new life. The life of a "not quite here anymore" and the "almost gone" life. Even though I am an adventurous person I do like to plan. I like to know that there are friends waiting on the other side, and even though I know there are new friends I am not ready to let go and not ready to invest in a different form of friendship.

Having written all this, I have to say I had to smile while I read the blog "Stressed-out Missionary". I laughed out loud when I read that she threw her bike in the sand and screamed at her kids....Really? Missionaries do that?
Yes, and Missionary candidates do that too. We are not extra holy....maybe we are sometimes extra hole-ie...our brain that is....because we have too much going on and we forget that we are not alone in this. I am so very grateful for the support that has already come in, and is continuously coming in. I am grateful for the encouragement that we see through the friends that are sticking around. I am grateful for the closeness this new adventure has brought to our small family of 5. And I am grateful for the prayer support that is lifting us up when we just threw our bike in the sand and screamed at our children.

"For this reason, since the day YOU heard about us, please don't stop praying for us. Please continually ask God to fill us with the knowledge of his will through all the wisdom and understanding that the Spirit gives..." Colossians 1:9
"We want to live a life worthy of the Lord and please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God,  being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that we may have great endurance and patience." Colossians 1:11

One of my biggest wishes for myself and my family during this time of support raising is, that we may remain thankful and joyful just like it says in Colossians 1. That we can build on the knowledge that in our weakness HE, our wonderful father, is strong. That we are not walking this path alone but leaning on his everlasting arms. We do not have to do this out of our own strength. This is not coming from a overdeveloped sense of adventure, but out of a calling that there is more to do for us and our family; that this is not the end but the beginning.