This morning I was listening to KLOVE on my way back home from dropping Ana off at school. One of the lines in a song caught my attention. It said something like: "no more dreams....". Lydia heard it too and said almost contemplative: "No more dreams? I have plenty of dreams.....every night! (sigh)". I had to laugh but it also got me thinking about my own dreams.
Obviously, the songwriter did not talk about the dreams during sleep time, that are plenty and more often weird and disconnected. He was talking about the dreams that we have for our lives. It made me wonder if we really reach a time in our lives when we stop dreaming....or as I think it could be formulated, we just stop hoping for things to be achieved, to be changed. We give up on new adventures to come our way and new goals.
When do we stop to hope for something new, something exciting, do we just stop allowing our dreams to define our life choices?
I believe there comes a time when we become "more realistic" about what is really possible. And some of us will start living vigorously through our children. We spend all of our efforts making life liveable, safe and creative for them. We create a whole new world to make sure they can learn, and live to their fullest extent, so they won't miss out! We soon realize that is not it! We are still not doing enough.
We are limiting our kids. We are limiting ourselves.
And then we break out. We have these moments when we suddenly feel the urge to please ourselves. We are just stuck enough, to want to try to find a little light at the end of the tunnel.
Often during those times I stop doing my quiet time. I stop loving my husband. I get exasperated with my children, and avoid contact with those that mean the most to me. I think I am right and others don't understand me. I think I am right!
I THINK I am RIGHT! I have the right to be selfish. It's my right to focus on me!
Our family is getting ready to leave things behind. Not just one little thing that we choose to cut out, like - no chocolate before Easter! No we are leaving behind the first house we ever owned. The first furniture we ever bought ourselves, will be sold or given away. Comfort items like chairs, beds, carpets, TVs are being left behind....
And guess what. It is the greatest thing I have ever experienced. It is the most selfish thing I have ever done and it is the most uncreative, creative thing I am putting my kids through. It is like shedding 50 pounds, like bungee jumping, catapulting ourselves into space. We are throwing ourselves into a space where there is no gravity! And when we are there, all free, floating around, there is only one thing that stays. We belong to each other. We have to hold on to each other and we have to trust that we will not suddenly be captured by a gravity that is not provided by GOD. God will not let us fall where we don't belong.
He will fly away with us and will help us land at the perfect place.
And suddenly I know that I have found things to dream about again. I dare to let go of all the things that are keeping me pinned down. All the things that I try to create for my children are only mirror images of what the culture around me is expecting. I am allowed to think freely about our future. Being truly free means to disconnect ourselves from what is normal, comfortable and expected. We are walking together as a family. There is no me - there is us and in that my "me" becomes clearer.
The dreams that I have for my children are not leaving me behind. There is no either - or. Who we are is what defines our dreams. We are a whole. We are a family!
My dreams are simplified and elevated at the same time. I am up for it. I am up for this adventure God wants us to step into. I am not afraid to loose my dreams, I am not gasping for air at the end of a tunnel.
I am just free to dream in Gods glorious and mighty, unending, powerful
and HUGE world of possibilities.
"For I know the plans I have for you", God promises in Jeremiah 29:11, "plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope." And then in Matthew Jesus says: "But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you"
I want to know that peace that Jesus promises. (John 16:33)..."that in me, you may have peace..."! I don't have to think of pleasing myself because I am fulfilled in any and every situation God is bringing my way. Selfishness separates me from God. I KNOW I am NOT right!
ME, MYSELF the place I am at right now and the things that I own, the bed that I sleep in and the place I visit, is the last thing I want to dream about, because I am limited
and so will my dreams be.
Yes we will have moments where everything will look lonely and bleak....in the world you will have tribulation....BUT JESUS HAS OVERCOME THE WORLD! (John 16:33)